confessions of a stay-at-home mom

i want him too! both of them!

2011-05-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

oh why oh why doesnt he act like this all the time?

so i dropped korlen off at the sitters this morning on my way to work and he was SO sad.. i dont get it... he wanted to go home and he was crying saying he wanted mommy! it makes me feel so sad. its hard to leave a crying boy when i cant help it. why doesnt he act like he wants me all the time ... i mean its easier on the other days when he just gives me a kiss saying wove you mommy and running to go play with the toys but what about when hes yelling at me like im a terrorist with a bomb straped to my chest about to end his whole world whenever i tell him he cant have anymore animal cookies or when i say he cant go to the park cuz its raining... or when we're driving and he realizes we're almost home and shouts out any name he can think of... "i wanna go to taits house i wanna go to nanas house i wanna go to grandma grandpas... i dont wanna go home" ahh! why cant he want to be with mommy all the time... it makes me feel so horrible to have the last thing i hear closing the door behind me is through is sobs... i want mommy!~

get it out!!

2011-01-20T20:36:00.000-08:00

BOOOHOOO HOOO HOO!! well i still have 3 weeks left and its not like im over due or anything but this child is nesting right under my ribs and using my lungs as a pillow!! how can i breath you ask... well i dont! i cant! laying down just makes it worse because gravity is no longer pullin him down so he just tucks right in for the night! i am in so much pain and discomfort! i cant stand it! my hips hurt so bad... like they're widening for the baby but at the doctor today... not dilated at all!! blah! i cant stand it! i really really want this baby out! hes nothing like korlen was. korlen never went near any of my body parts like my bones or lungs but mayter loves to kick my ribs and hip bones korlen didnt move that much but mayter does!! man i cant stand it! oh well three weeks right!!

oh why do we teach them anything??

2010-11-16T16:10:00.001-08:00

so dont get me wrong i am glad that he can get himself a drink and tell me what he wants but i dont like trying to cattier to his every desire or cleaning up the mess when he spills water for the third time that day.... and what is this obsession with water anyways. seriously all water he will pull his kitchen chair to the sink and cry for me to turn the water on he always plays with the dogs water dish(including putting dog food in the water to get a disgusting soggy texture), he learned a long time ago how to flush the toilet and will do this over and over and over (luckily hasnt flushed anything yet{knock on wood}) he has also discovered that if he climbs up on the toilet and uses the toilet paper dispenser as a stepping stool he can easily get on the counter and play in the sink!! just the other day he told me to "wait a sec" and when i said what he said "just a sec"....... are you kidding me!! my least fav is that he has learned to open doors .... and will do so at his little hearts content.. though he is so funny about shutting them too.. when he gets up in the morning (or in the middle of the night) he opens his door shuts it behind him comes in our room and slams in behind him again.... ugh!! he loves to help in the kitchen and his fav thing is to crack the eggs and then squeeze in his hand! why? why? he now wont let anyone touch the hand mixer while hes mixing. grrr... yesterday he was biting clothes just for oh idk fun i guess and decided to bite my pants but he got my skin too and yelled out in pain and he just looked at me and then turned and ran away jumping in his toy box which was sitting just across the room from me and just sat there staring at me fake crying! such a little actor... i have no idea where he gets it from! he runs aways and talks back and get into everything.. so i think developmentally he is spot on... i really really wish it was morally ethically and legally acceptable to use toddler straight jackets... but those wouldnt be complete without the dirty sock duck taped in his mouth!! is that so wrong? am i the only one that has this desire? i just need a nap every once in a while... cant i just drug him?? does that make me a bad mom! i think not!!

totlock country block

2010-03-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

LETS CONSIDER THIS FOR A MIN!!

One property crime happens every 3 seconds
One vehicle theft every 20 seconds
One larceny every 4 seconds
One burglary every 10 seconds
One robbery every 60 seconds, or 1 minute

and 500000 people enter and live in our country illegally every year.

and who can forget that the CIA let a couple into a party for the president of the united states(OH BAMMA..... BOO) that weren't even on the list.

and yet when i tried to open my recently bought kit kat bar this afternoon that thing was sealed up tighter then fort knocks!! really it had been a long day and i felt compelled to reward myself with a little prize for making it through without hiding in a locked dark room in the fetal position rocking back and forth and cooing like a coo coo bird to myself..... you know one of those.... i'm just going to pretend to myself that you all agree that you have had just such days of your own. anyways continuing on it took three tries and a good 45 sec to open the plastic wrapper and in that time i yelled a few profanities.... i know i have a really hard time not saying freakin ackurshnay (only a choice few ppl will see the humor in that) when im really about to explode. anyways after the wonderful chocolate had been consumed and i had chilled out i had a wonderful though... you know like those new windows commercials where they suddenly turn into supper hot models.. anyways i had a moment like that and it hit me. i have a hard time getting into everything that is seemingly easy like Medicaid bottles and kit kat wrappers and so on and so on.... especially tot locks ... im thinking the solution is tot lock the the nations borders.... think about it huh!! i know you be understanding my crack a lackin language!

A Cliffard Goodbye

2010-03-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

so its been a long time i know and here it all is... christmas was awesome my first born turned one and i didnt cry (though i think my uterus shed a little tear.... dumb slut wants another baby i think). he is such a big boy now hes sleeping through the night and napping on his own and hes weened from the teet if life (aka) mommas chocolate milk!! hes really starting to talk and some sign language... he fallows intructions and comands quite well... hes never been one for a spanking he doesnt understand that it hurts... stinkin kid hes just now realizing that its not the funnest thing but i have to pull down his pants to do so... he got in trouble the other day for something or other and i spanked him and set him on the stairs to sit in timeout. the next time i yelled at him he pouted and went and put himself in timeout... lol what a cute little kid right!! i just love him.. though i could stangle him... to date he has broken 11 frames and 2 glass jars 2 glasses/mugs. i know what your thinking i should keep that stuff outta reach.... to that i say ..... This is A JuDge FREE ZoNe (read the fine print sucker)!! so ya ...... questin if you cant pick who your related to but can pick who your related to through marraige why did i drop the ball as far as my inlaws go... simple to say we dont exactly see eye to eye.. im just so sick of all the drama... holly cow right! i just dont understand why every little thing has to be such a HUGE deal... i could go on and on about this subject but heaven forbid any of them read this.. anyways ... moving on.. have i mentioned that i dont particulalry enjoy this town??? i mean there really isnt much wrong with it but i really dont want to raise my children here and i've told the hubby a million times that i will not be burried here. no way i want this to be my bodys final resting place..... i like my body too much to subject it to these prairie dogs to dig up over under around and plz plz not through! they are everywhere!! so i was thinking the other day and its really sad that as a single person you hear married people talking and laughing about random various things and you dont understand why its that funny.. and then you get married and you realize why its so funny BeaCuse Its TrUe~~!! yes thats right they aren't just making things up for conversation sake... like socks ... i know you cant believe it but husbands really do leave there socks EVERYWHERE and i do mean everywhere.... i kid you not im sitting here atop my comffy couch and i see three and a half pairs of socks all from my hubby.... proof that married peaople joke about sock all over the place beacuse its funny and its funny because its true... my husband and i are currently hashing out the pros and cons of finishing our attick..... reason # 1 for me... we want more children and currently our spare room is occupied by our boflex and a desk.... guess where my husband ..... (lets refure to him as Cliffered until frther notice because he is my friendly dog) anyways Cliff thinks that we could solve this problem by moving the boflex into our master bedroom... now all you ladies can i get a "oh no he didnt" just so i can follow up with a "oh yes he did" ..... yes thats right our bedroom wouldnt that be so cute to decorate with right there at the foot of the bed with some lovely throw pillows over tied around with some ribbon... nothing a little hot glue gun couldnt handl right!! oh and perfect for hanging clothes on to right!!! NOT ahhh men .... i love me som cliff but i would love to throw him off a cliff sometimes.. or at least dangle him off one for a few hours till all the blood that has rushed to his head has made him pass out... that would be entertaining for a min or two is all im saying..while we're on the topic of Cliff i might as well get this off my chest as well.... i know for a fact that he is a man ... (yes i do hold his balls in my purse and on occasion get them out to bribe him with something promising i'll give them back if he does it... poor sucker takes that bate everytime) anyways i know he is a man he is equiped with an outie not and innie but man sometimes i wonder where these female traits come from... ok really just one.... why does it take him so long to do anything and everything esspecially saying goodbye... now granted it is nice when he takes a long time in the bed room but not in the shower or doing his hair... man that boy could take almost twice as long as me doing either... and seriously he will stand there and be saying goodbye to someone for 40 min... not kidding ... everytime we go somewhere i have to tell him at least 3 times that its probably time to go... doesnt that sound like something a man should be complaining about.. i mean seriously.... the best part is that though like a woman he takes so long to say goodbye to everyone and their dog plus aunt agnus twice and the pet chicken and the beautiful orcad that has been growing in the front yard for 13 years and might not make it through another winter.... he does it in his own special man way!! he'lll stand there and in 5 min hes maybe said 10 words including 7 yas or hmms!! oh my stars that boy..... gotta love me some cliff though.... well i think thats enough for today i'm sure ill have more soon to chat or complain about!! gotta do it somewhere right!! much love my faithful readers!!

one or the other

2009-09-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

so i finally got korlen to take longer naps.... oh how wonderful... he sleeps for like an hour and a half to two hours twice a day and its so nice.... but then he woke up up to 6 times a night.... like every hour!! what in the world... its been going on for a few weeks now and i just thought i was going to loose my mind... im so stinkin tired. then two days ago out of no where he was back to half hour naps and i though oh my goodness...... when will i ever get some sleep!! but then that night he only got up once. the next day it was back to two one hour naps and last night he was but 5 times again!! ahhhhh!! what would i like better ..................................................... happy medium plz!! b4 i loose my mind!

why so sad!

2009-08-16T18:58:00.000-07:00

i dont think i could feel any worse if i tried. i am so so so depressed right now... my husband and i have been dieting for over two months now and in that time i have lost 10 lbs.. which i feel very pleased with.. it took a long time.. and patience which i dont have... well i went home for the weekend and theres nothing like being away from your own reality to make you wanna splurge a little... well i was there friday night late after dinner time to sunday morning before lunch time... so i really only ate there sat. well apparently that was enough... we got home today and decided to weigh ourselves.... i knew i was feelin a little ... bloated.... ya maybe thats not quite the right word given that the scale showed 8 extra lbs .... yup 8 lbs... it took me well over 5 weeks to loose 10 lbs and one day to gain 8 lbs back!! my loving husband lost 20 lbs in that amount of time and gained 2 which is really just the amount his body fluctuates everyday anyways... i cant believe this all my hard work just down the drain... and on top of that i got sick somewhere along the way so the whole time i was in idaho i was snuffly sneezy head cold and brought it home with me and its just getting worse.. theres nothing like driving 6 hrs with a cranky baby that just wants to be held and you just feel like crap... theres nothing like feeling like crap and knowing your a tad bit tubby ... again... and theres nothing like being a tad bit tubby again knowing its all your fault. so now im uncomfortable my body is feeling that all too formiliar snug of my clothes my nose is bright red and raw my head aches and my feelings do too! im really sad.... i just wish i could go to sleep and all my problems would melt away... lucky for me i get to babysit a 2 yr old little boy tomorrow starting at 730 so no sleeping in for me... the good news keeps on keepin on somedays doesnt it!

i honestly cant do this anymore

2009-08-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

as i am writing yes i am a little emotional so forgive me! idk what i want to do more... cry, scream, or sleep. 5 times He woke up 5 times last night! and this is one of many nights like this this last week. idk what his problem is or when it started or why it started or what i did wrong or what i am now doing wrong or how i can fix it. i just cant live like this do you have any idea how tired i am. i dont have the heart to just let him cry it out but i'm loosing the strength to keep my patience with him... esspecially when i cant even keep my eyes open. all he wants to do is sleep with mommy and daddy which i dont get cuz never in his life have we just let him sleep in our bed. and he just wants to nurse and go back to sleep. i try all day long to stuff his tummy with milk and cereal and baby food and hes just not interested all that often and now hes acting like if he doesnt wake up to eat every two hours hes gunna die of starvation! i am so tired. i have been reading this book on ways to train your baby sleeping without just letting them cry... the problem is that it takes a lot of the one thing i never had to begin with ... patience .... and time!! and when your so tired your about to pass out its hard to try over and over and over and over again at getting your baby tired but not asleep and then putting him in his bed and leaning over to let him know your still there and pat him untill hes all the way asleep! its rediculous...... after the 15 time of that all i wanna do is put him in a sound proof box and go back to sleep!! i dont know what to do anymore.................. why does no one know how to tell you just how hard it is to be the mommy. this is so hard! i just need a nap

well....................

2009-08-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

ok so this one is not at all gunna be like the previous ones. im here to praise my little angel baby!! you should all know that we went to the temple on saturday and were sealed for time and all eternity! it was the most amazing day of my life.. it was a long day too. renzo and i went through and recieved our endowments that morning and then went right to the sealing. it was such a long time to be away from baby and i didnt have a sitter he was just in the temple nursery the whole time. and they said he was being a little angle! he took his bottle he took a nap he wasnt fussy! man was i so happy to hear that... when i finally saw him coming into the sealing room all dressed up in his white tuxido! man oh man....... beatiful. i love him so much.. when they brought him in he was just all bright eyes and smiles. he sat there and was so good to put his tiny prescious hand on ours and it was so amazing ... thats when i got really emotional. my little baby will be mine forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever!!! i think you get the point!!!

this is so rough!!

2009-07-23T13:28:00.001-07:00

baby boy is all over the place starting to crawl and it is so cute... he just army crawls his way to your feet and head butts you in the leg and paws at your toes till you pick him up. silly baby...his first tooth is starting to pop through. i think im gunna cry! hes just growing so fast. im having such a hard time with this cranky baby that doesnt want to sleep though! he still doesnt know how to fall asleep on his own and i dont have the heart to just let him lay there and scream! i dont know what to do im gunna scream myself! my poor little baby! and poor me !

all i wanted was a little peace and a pedi

2009-07-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness.... what a baby!! lol my birthday was friday... and it sucked.. my husband really crashed and burned... didnt make me breakfast or lunch or dinner... didn't make me a card or a cake or even sing me happy birthday... nothing to show me im special... nothing!! anyways a girl friend ... knowing i was in the dumps of my mans lack of understanding decided to take me out to lunch and a pedicure and man was i excited... my feet need some serious attention since i walk around all day with a baby on my hip lol... anywas i thought i should get a sitter or as the hicks here in cedar like to call it some one to "tend" him!! idk why im still not likin that one... anyways my friend was really excited for the chance to see him cuz he is the most adorable baby to ever be born... anyways i brought him along and he was the biggest monster in the whole world. he has honestly never been so difficult.. ever!! i know it was probably cuz it was hot and he was tired.. but man was it hard to enjoy that pedi... all i kept thinking about was just getting up and walking out right in the middle of it.. he didnt want to be held and he didnt want to be put down and he was so tired and kept getting mad when he'd blink and his eyes would linger shut for a little while.!!. ahh babies! to say the least i was thrilled when my girlfriend was finished before me and took him to walk around the salon while i tried to lay back and not be embarrassed and just enjoy what was left of my ..... me time....

love him with all my heart and soul
just thought you should know

judgement free yes drug free optional!!

2009-07-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

i felt i needed an outlet of sorts... a place to express myself, without feeling i need hold back on the bad the intense or the down right ugly of being a mother.... let me start by saying i am head over heals in love and i wouldnt change being a mommy to this precious little angel... what a blessing he is in my life. Now that being said.... im sure all you moms out there can relate that sometimes motherhood isnt joyous or glamorous or anything like what they said it would be... why doesnt anyone talk about some of this stuff. oh ya i know cuz if you really really knew what you were getting yourself into you might not go through with it.. and you know what they say; misery loves company!! plus all OUR moms keep the dirty little secrets under wraps so we can have children of our own to make us loose our hair just like we did to them... like i said i love being a mom lets not make the mistake that i hate this gig.. its really the best thing i could have ever done.. but this is MY way to express the crazy day to day of a real stay at home mom not the ones who act on tv... Judgement free .... drug free (optional)