yup people we are getting super duper real with this one... peearts (AKA the pee-farts)... I peeart! and its SSSSOOO embarrassing! I remember when I was little going to the bathroom with a certain old lady who shall not be named, and it was like she was trying to reenact the bombing at peal harbor up in those echoed bathrooms. She could single handedly be the entire musical effect team to any high action war movie. And as a young girl I was frightened, and amused! I mean farts are the only thing that are both completely disgusting and entirely hilarious all at the same time. You could literally be both gaging and laughing your guts out simultaneously. With that being said, when your in a crowded public bathroom, dying because you have to pee so bad but there is no such thing as relaxing the muscles to pee and clenching the muscles to fart at the same time, IT CAN NOT BE DONE, things are no longer funny! And don't even pretend like you haven't been there. I know I'm not the only one... there is nothing like going into the bathroom at the exact same time as a stranger... you both sit down waiting for the other to start so that you don't have to be the one to go first. Its like a game of chicken, whose gonna give in. All the while you are both praying that someone else flushes a toilet to mask the hideously loud orchestra of sounds that is about to erupt from your not so glamorous side. When that doesn't happen you only have a few options left.
*grin and bear it. just hurry and be done with your business pray that your peearts are very loud or long and try and hurry as fast as you can to wash and exit before you have to awkwardly "not" look at each other through the mirror while washing your hands (because lets face it you are basically closer then best friends now)
*Wait it out. No matter how painful or stupid or childish it may be you are going to win and when you are done you are going to sit in the stall and well "stall" until she has washed her hands and exited the bathroom (because that is really the most respectful thing given that she so graciously went first and embarrassed herself)
*My favorite.... I like to call it Operation Cover Up! this is where you make a subtle yet effective noise just loud enough to mast the toot. a cough, a throat clearing, a tap of the shoe.... (wow I have some serious issues) whatever you chose you better time it just right otherwise your efforts will be for not...
with all that being said... if you ever find you are out and about and you have to go #2 forget it! there is no recovery from that sort of shame!
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