#idontcareiftheworldknowswhatmysecretsare I have HG
Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a complication of pregnancy characterized by intractable nausea, vomiting, and dehydration and is estimated to affect 0.5–2.0% of pregnant women.[1][2] Malnutrition and other serious complications, such as fluid or electrolyte imbalances, may result.
Well now isn't that vague! Its true however, it is a complication of pregnancy that very few women suffer and so little of the world really understands. My goal is to tell you the truth about HG.... what its really like to suffer/survive this "complication" and just what someone like me goes through on a daily basis while pregnant. I have joined a few HG support groups and through reaching out to many other sufferers I feel I have come up with a general idea across the bored not just my singular experience...
the truth about HG is that you throw up.... a lot. I think most of you have got that from the definition that there is a lot of vomit going on but let me paint you a more clear picture. On a bad day my number of trips to the bathroom (or truth be told just a bowl because I cant make it to the bathroom) is an average of 4-6 times in an hour. A good day could be more like 4-6 times in the whole day which is a really really good day. Now I know what your thinking... if you throw up that many times you will eventually run out of things to vomit up... you couldn't be more wrong! Lets take into account that you can vomit your own saliva, and eventually your own stomach acid (which, as a characteristic of HG, has increased to an extremely high volume) and then after that you are just dry heaving. And dry heaving hurts! A LOT! Now what about the "complications" of vomiting this many times a day can cause. 1) you burst blood vessels in your eyes. Yup you are so violently throwing up that that can often happen and it can be painful and annoying. 2) you are literally destroying your throat and esophagus. You might not think about that damage when you get sick every 4 years with the stomach flu but when you have been throwing up for 4 months straight you really start to notice the strain it puts on your throat. many people with eating disorders can attest that one of the serious side effects is permanently damaging the skin lining your throat. 3) your teeth also take a beating on this one.. I have read many accounts of women who have suffered long-term dental damage because of the continuous erosion due to stomach acid on their teeth, some resulting in damage as severe as rotting or decaying teeth. 4) We know what "starving to death" really feels like... well sort of. Most do not die from this however many have. I get so irritated now when people have missed breakfast or forgotten to eat lunch and say they are starving.... I and many women like me have gone for days and days and days without eating a single thing, or at least we eat but not a single thing stays down. I can tell you that within one day you know what real pain comes from starving. PAIN is something you become very accustom to when suffering from HG which brings me to the next thing I want to talk to you about
the truth about HG is it hurts, Pain associate with HG is all consuming. First there is the stabbing pain in your stomach. It hurts so bad you want to curl up in a ball and die. It feels like there is a knife stabbing you through your stomach and turning... it feels like someone just poured acid in your open wound because lets face it there is acid in your open wound. Your stomach acid is slowly eating away at the lining of your stomach much like an ulcer however its your whole stomach and there is nothing to take to ease the pain because nothing will stay down. Then there is the pain of body aches. your body literally hurts all over. your muscles are depleting from lack of nutrition, your head hurts from the lack of oxygen and increase in pressure that happens when you throw up, your throat hurts from acid burns, your abs and sides hurt from the constant flexing that happens when you heave.... do you get the picture?
The truth about HG is that you are weak. And when I say weak I mean every muscle in your entire body is so weak and tired that it literally can not do what you are telling it to do. When you go so long without the nutrients your body needs it eventually gives out on you.... You cant support your own body weight to do things like stand up, or get dressed, or bath yourself, or brush your own hair. My husband and my mother have picked me up off the floor and practically carried me back to bed probably over 1000 times. There are times I cant even open a bottle by myself because I cant grip it.
The truth about HG is that there is no cure! This is what makes me the most upset! Science has made such miraculous things happen such as cloning, organ transplants, keeping people alive for years on life support.... there is prostetic limbs that function in some cases just as good as the real thing and they are now able to do serious procedures and surgeries by microscopic incisions and cameras! And yet there are hundreds of thousands of women that suffer from something so simple and yet there is no cure! And trust me the medication they are giving us are some heavy hitters! Most of the anti-nausea medication is that that was developed for cancer patients under going chemo. and for most like me that really only takes the edge off. Ps there is nothing more infuriating then to vomit up a pill! its literally just flushing your money down the toilet because in some cases those puppies can cost up to $10 EACH!!!! and we have tried everything in the book! acupuncture, hypnosis, alternative medicine, essential oils, any old wives tale you can think of..... please its insulting to keep suggesting crackers and Gatorade!
Now yes these are the worst of times and I am not always this sick however I want to tell you what you don't know about my good days. I want to tell you what you don't know about the times that you see me. If you see me driving my son to school I have a baggie in the seat next to me and that 9 out of 10 times I make it to school make it home and them promptly vomit my guts out and have to lay down for the next 20 min. When you see me at church, I want you to know that I have been preparing for this since I woke up. I have most likely thrown up in the bathroom every time Ive gone in. and that when I leave early its because I honestly cant be in a vertical position any longer! Sometimes you come have a conversation with me and I seem like I don't feel good but other then that I seem fine.... yeah I'm fine. I threw up a few min ago and so I'm coming down off that high and I feel pretty darn good. however I have an internal clock that for every 5 min I'm standing here talking to you I WILL pay for it later.
The truth about HG is you cry.... A LOT! which sucks because crying causes you to vomit even more. it depletes your energy and it causes you to swallow more saliva and flem which you will throw up in 3 , 2, 1...... you cry because it just isn't fair! your friends, your family, everyone you know... they get preggers and are like oh wow I never threw up once whats your problem. you cry because your kids ask you questions like mommy why don't you ever play anymore or mommy why does it take you so long to make me lunch? you cry because you hurt so bad and are in so much pain that you beg your husband to kill you. you tell him over and over and over "i wanna die, I wanna die, I cant do this please I hurt so bad I want to die" you cry because you are rethinking this notion of having another child and you who is 1000% pro life are considering having an abortion because you are now seeing blood in your vomit from your stomach and throat. you cry and cry and cry! and yet you wake up another day and do it all over again
the truth about HG is that it last a lot longer then morning sickness. I have found that in many if not most cases this pain and agony last for THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY! some of us like me are lucky... we only get it for about 17-25 weeks.... guess what.... im 8 weeks pregnant... that means I may be lucky and only have 10 more weeks of this! 10 WEEKS! ugh please shoot me!
the truth about HG is that yes after the first one we knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into! we do not complain for your condolences, we accept the help you are willing to give if you are willing to give it but we know we chose this and must pay the consequences, we are NOT lazy, or exaggerating, or dramatic, or "just making it up" because if we were we would spend a lot more of our time out of our bedrooms and among other people so we could get more sympathy! We are fighting every single sec of every day for our health and for the baby that we are growing inside of us.
that's my truth about HG.......
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
I'm hairy and I know it
#idontcareiftheworldknowswhatmysecretsare
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
peearts
#idontcareiftheworldknowswhatmysecretsare
yup people we are getting super duper real with this one... peearts (AKA the pee-farts)... I peeart! and its SSSSOOO embarrassing! I remember when I was little going to the bathroom with a certain old lady who shall not be named, and it was like she was trying to reenact the bombing at peal harbor up in those echoed bathrooms. She could single handedly be the entire musical effect team to any high action war movie. And as a young girl I was frightened, and amused! I mean farts are the only thing that are both completely disgusting and entirely hilarious all at the same time. You could literally be both gaging and laughing your guts out simultaneously. With that being said, when your in a crowded public bathroom, dying because you have to pee so bad but there is no such thing as relaxing the muscles to pee and clenching the muscles to fart at the same time, IT CAN NOT BE DONE, things are no longer funny! And don't even pretend like you haven't been there. I know I'm not the only one... there is nothing like going into the bathroom at the exact same time as a stranger... you both sit down waiting for the other to start so that you don't have to be the one to go first. Its like a game of chicken, whose gonna give in. All the while you are both praying that someone else flushes a toilet to mask the hideously loud orchestra of sounds that is about to erupt from your not so glamorous side. When that doesn't happen you only have a few options left.
*grin and bear it. just hurry and be done with your business pray that your peearts are very loud or long and try and hurry as fast as you can to wash and exit before you have to awkwardly "not" look at each other through the mirror while washing your hands (because lets face it you are basically closer then best friends now)
*Wait it out. No matter how painful or stupid or childish it may be you are going to win and when you are done you are going to sit in the stall and well "stall" until she has washed her hands and exited the bathroom (because that is really the most respectful thing given that she so graciously went first and embarrassed herself)
*My favorite.... I like to call it Operation Cover Up! this is where you make a subtle yet effective noise just loud enough to mast the toot. a cough, a throat clearing, a tap of the shoe.... (wow I have some serious issues) whatever you chose you better time it just right otherwise your efforts will be for not...
with all that being said... if you ever find you are out and about and you have to go #2 forget it! there is no recovery from that sort of shame!
yup people we are getting super duper real with this one... peearts (AKA the pee-farts)... I peeart! and its SSSSOOO embarrassing! I remember when I was little going to the bathroom with a certain old lady who shall not be named, and it was like she was trying to reenact the bombing at peal harbor up in those echoed bathrooms. She could single handedly be the entire musical effect team to any high action war movie. And as a young girl I was frightened, and amused! I mean farts are the only thing that are both completely disgusting and entirely hilarious all at the same time. You could literally be both gaging and laughing your guts out simultaneously. With that being said, when your in a crowded public bathroom, dying because you have to pee so bad but there is no such thing as relaxing the muscles to pee and clenching the muscles to fart at the same time, IT CAN NOT BE DONE, things are no longer funny! And don't even pretend like you haven't been there. I know I'm not the only one... there is nothing like going into the bathroom at the exact same time as a stranger... you both sit down waiting for the other to start so that you don't have to be the one to go first. Its like a game of chicken, whose gonna give in. All the while you are both praying that someone else flushes a toilet to mask the hideously loud orchestra of sounds that is about to erupt from your not so glamorous side. When that doesn't happen you only have a few options left.
*grin and bear it. just hurry and be done with your business pray that your peearts are very loud or long and try and hurry as fast as you can to wash and exit before you have to awkwardly "not" look at each other through the mirror while washing your hands (because lets face it you are basically closer then best friends now)
*Wait it out. No matter how painful or stupid or childish it may be you are going to win and when you are done you are going to sit in the stall and well "stall" until she has washed her hands and exited the bathroom (because that is really the most respectful thing given that she so graciously went first and embarrassed herself)
*My favorite.... I like to call it Operation Cover Up! this is where you make a subtle yet effective noise just loud enough to mast the toot. a cough, a throat clearing, a tap of the shoe.... (wow I have some serious issues) whatever you chose you better time it just right otherwise your efforts will be for not...
with all that being said... if you ever find you are out and about and you have to go #2 forget it! there is no recovery from that sort of shame!
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
finacial woes
#idontcareiftheworldknowswhatmysecretsare
todays topic.... money! No one really likes to talk about money! How much you make, how much you spend, its totally a social faux pas! But here's my secret.... sometimes I make financial mistakes and they cost big time! Ugh there's no blue print of my life out there, trust me I've looked, and if there was I don't know if I would follow it anyways! so when I do stupid stuff like buy a lemon of a car, or spend to much at the grocery store, or getting into those pyramid businesses and then never doing anything with them, or spending to much on eating out, or getting into a crippling mortgage, or start a business, or get into any kind of debt at all for any reason I just want to bash my head against a wall until the lights start to dance! Its not like I want these things to happen. No one wakes up in the morning and says I want to blow all my money so 5 years down the road I can look back and have nothing to show for all my hard work, but sometimes it happens. It happens to the best of us! No one likes to admit when they have made a mistake especially about something so personal, but rest assured you will make a mistake... big or small, and just remember this.... you are not alone! Just learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it, don't make the same mistake twice, and decide what is really important to you! Lorenzo and I took a money management class almost 2 years ago by Dave Ramsey called Financial Peace University and I would have to say that it has changed our financial lives dramatically! Money is a tool, either you work for it or it works for you!
todays topic.... money! No one really likes to talk about money! How much you make, how much you spend, its totally a social faux pas! But here's my secret.... sometimes I make financial mistakes and they cost big time! Ugh there's no blue print of my life out there, trust me I've looked, and if there was I don't know if I would follow it anyways! so when I do stupid stuff like buy a lemon of a car, or spend to much at the grocery store, or getting into those pyramid businesses and then never doing anything with them, or spending to much on eating out, or getting into a crippling mortgage, or start a business, or get into any kind of debt at all for any reason I just want to bash my head against a wall until the lights start to dance! Its not like I want these things to happen. No one wakes up in the morning and says I want to blow all my money so 5 years down the road I can look back and have nothing to show for all my hard work, but sometimes it happens. It happens to the best of us! No one likes to admit when they have made a mistake especially about something so personal, but rest assured you will make a mistake... big or small, and just remember this.... you are not alone! Just learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it, don't make the same mistake twice, and decide what is really important to you! Lorenzo and I took a money management class almost 2 years ago by Dave Ramsey called Financial Peace University and I would have to say that it has changed our financial lives dramatically! Money is a tool, either you work for it or it works for you!
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Christ-like Santa
Tis the season and Christmas is creeping up faster then ever! I wanted to start this Christmas season off right though. My children are now at the age that the spirit and magic and wonder of the Christmas spirit is all around. Unfortunatly, now that the oldest has started school so is the worldly views as to what Christmas is really all about! So onto Pinterest I go in search of how to teach my children the true meaning of Christmas without taking away the magic and wonder of Santa.... I found these two wonderful links that I based my Christ-like Santa FHE lesson around.
https://fhelessons.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/why-we-give-gifts-for-christmas/
http://www.latter-dayhomeschooling.com/2010/12/symbols-of-christmas.html
I especially used the second one! I think if my kids were older I would have felt more comfortable with there ability to answer the questions she used with the manger scene in the first one..
anyways just as in the blog post I have added I had a picture of Jesus at the door covered by a drawn picture of our front door and I told the children
Soon we could be having a special guest at our door! I am going to give you some clues to see if you can guess who you think it is.
* He has a Beard
* He is often depicted wearing red and white
* He gives the best gifts
* He loves little children
* He makes you feel all warm inside
* He can get into your house even if the doors are locked
* He knows if you have been bad or good
* He only wants you to repay him by being kind to others
* He encourages you to prepare for his coming by being good
I was surprised my 3 year old actually guessed Jesus but my 5 year old scolded him and said "No silly its Santa DUH"
So I let them "open" the door by removing the paper too see who was there.............
The reaction was perfect. My 5 year old was so excited about the similarities between the two.. This is where the teaching opportunity arose. I explained that Santa is a symbol of Jesus and that Santa lives his life to try and be like Jesus... then I let the kids open and read the letter we had gotten form the North Pole earlier that day....
Santa's Letter
The letter totally seals the deal... Putting all the focus back on Jesus...
anyways hoped you enjoyed LMK if you have any problems opening the letter or questions..
https://fhelessons.wordpress.com/2013/10/16/why-we-give-gifts-for-christmas/
http://www.latter-dayhomeschooling.com/2010/12/symbols-of-christmas.html
I especially used the second one! I think if my kids were older I would have felt more comfortable with there ability to answer the questions she used with the manger scene in the first one..
anyways just as in the blog post I have added I had a picture of Jesus at the door covered by a drawn picture of our front door and I told the children
Soon we could be having a special guest at our door! I am going to give you some clues to see if you can guess who you think it is.
* He has a Beard
* He is often depicted wearing red and white
* He gives the best gifts
* He loves little children
* He makes you feel all warm inside
* He can get into your house even if the doors are locked
* He knows if you have been bad or good
* He only wants you to repay him by being kind to others
* He encourages you to prepare for his coming by being good
I was surprised my 3 year old actually guessed Jesus but my 5 year old scolded him and said "No silly its Santa DUH"
So I let them "open" the door by removing the paper too see who was there.............
Santa's Letter
The letter totally seals the deal... Putting all the focus back on Jesus...
anyways hoped you enjoyed LMK if you have any problems opening the letter or questions..
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Not my toys!
You've all been there... And if you haven't please come give me a parenting training! That moment when enough is enough and even though they aren't finished with their chores you say they are just so you can be rid of them and finish yourself! I mean seriously when it take 2 hrs to get them to do 2 chores that take you 5 min it gets to be about as much as you can take! Unfortunately AND fortunately that means that you are left to do it on your own. Well Saturday was just such a time and the last chore on the list was the dreaded you closet! Why oh why the toy closet. And as I sat amid the literal trash that they swore to be their treasure I was only enraged that they had so many toys!!! They have more toys then I have hair ties or bobby pins or shirts or shoes or jars of pears or phone numbers in my contact book! These kids have so many bloody toys they don't even know what to do with them! They have so many toys that 4 weeks ago I took a bag of toys and put them in time out for not cleaning them up and everyone forgot about them! Silly thing is with all the toys these kids have they don't have nearly as muh as most of their friends... And I actually have found myself feeling bad about that! We only buy them toys for their birthday and Christmas! Other then that they want a toy they earn money and buy it. However as I was sitting there with about 5 Legos and at least one cars maytor digging in to my sore rump I scoffed myself for ever feeling guilty about their "lack of toys"! Did I forget who my boys were? They spend close to 6 hrs a day outside. They only watch about an he of tv a day and the rest of the time they are eating sleeping or just bugging the crap out of me! They have wild imaginations and enjoy making things to play with. That's when I decided to start throwing their "treasures" away! After citing their amount of toys considerably, the DI got a sizable donation, the closet got a lot more roomy, my stress level diminished and they children have not a clue in the world! Hallelujah!
Friday, September 12, 2014
Tough skin isn't desirable
Let's be honest. No one wants to touch tough skin unless it's a designer alligator skin bag! No one ever said. I just love touching your rough knees and caressing your tuff elbows. Oooo sexy! So is true about our personalities. Rarely are we drown to people because of their tough exterior. The way in which they push us away or give us the cold shoulder. Yet in today's society we hear all too often that we need tougher skin. What for I ask! Yes there are sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive and that the words that others say didn't effect me, but that's what makes me who I am. What is so desirable about not ever feeling, not ever caring, not ever letting someone in...The problem is when we shut the door to our hearts, yes we shut out the bad, but we shut out the good also. Not having tough skin I may be more sensitive to the unkind words people say but I'm also more sensitive to the one who is silent and yet screaming out for help from the anguish of this world. I may be more prone to get my heart broken but I'm also more likely to let my love touch the lives of those around me... There is obviously a lot to be said about a woman who can take on this brazen world and get to the other side unscathed, however in my opinion there is also a great beauty in the scars the wrinkles and the down right open wounds of the little old lady who FELT EVERYTHING in her life. The good and the bad. The sad and the Happy. The triumph and the sorrow. The loss of loved ones but the gratitude for the memories shared. The pain of a wayward child and the joy of a righteous one. The burn left by a selfish friend and the wrinkle lines from the friend that always had you laughing. There is something poetic and beautiful in the sensitive life. Do not toughen your skin to shut out all that we are meant to experience here in this life.
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