one or the other

so i finally got korlen to take longer naps.... oh how wonderful... he sleeps for like an hour and a half to two hours twice a day and its so nice.... but then he woke up up to 6 times a night.... like every hour!! what in the world... its been going on for a few weeks now and i just thought i was going to loose my mind... im so stinkin tired. then two days ago out of no where he was back to half hour naps and i though oh my goodness...... when will i ever get some sleep!! but then that night he only got up once. the next day it was back to two one hour naps and last night he was but 5 times again!! ahhhhh!! what would i like better ..................................................... happy medium plz!! b4 i loose my mind!

why so sad!

i dont think i could feel any worse if i tried. i am so so so depressed right now... my husband and i have been dieting for over two months now and in that time i have lost 10 lbs.. which i feel very pleased with.. it took a long time.. and patience which i dont have... well i went home for the weekend and theres nothing like being away from your own reality to make you wanna splurge a little... well i was there friday night late after dinner time to sunday morning before lunch time... so i really only ate there sat. well apparently that was enough... we got home today and decided to weigh ourselves.... i knew i was feelin a little ... bloated.... ya maybe thats not quite the right word given that the scale showed 8 extra lbs .... yup 8 lbs... it took me well over 5 weeks to loose 10 lbs and one day to gain 8 lbs back!! my loving husband lost 20 lbs in that amount of time and gained 2 which is really just the amount his body fluctuates everyday anyways... i cant believe this all my hard work just down the drain... and on top of that i got sick somewhere along the way so the whole time i was in idaho i was snuffly sneezy head cold and brought it home with me and its just getting worse.. theres nothing like driving 6 hrs with a cranky baby that just wants to be held and you just feel like crap... theres nothing like feeling like crap and knowing your a tad bit tubby ... again... and theres nothing like being a tad bit tubby again knowing its all your fault. so now im uncomfortable my body is feeling that all too formiliar snug of my clothes my nose is bright red and raw my head aches and my feelings do too! im really sad.... i just wish i could go to sleep and all my problems would melt away... lucky for me i get to babysit a 2 yr old little boy tomorrow starting at 730 so no sleeping in for me... the good news keeps on keepin on somedays doesnt it!

i honestly cant do this anymore

as i am writing yes i am a little emotional so forgive me! idk what i want to do more... cry, scream, or sleep. 5 times He woke up 5 times last night! and this is one of many nights like this this last week. idk what his problem is or when it started or why it started or what i did wrong or what i am now doing wrong or how i can fix it. i just cant live like this do you have any idea how tired i am. i dont have the heart to just let him cry it out but i'm loosing the strength to keep my patience with him... esspecially when i cant even keep my eyes open. all he wants to do is sleep with mommy and daddy which i dont get cuz never in his life have we just let him sleep in our bed. and he just wants to nurse and go back to sleep. i try all day long to stuff his tummy with milk and cereal and baby food and hes just not interested all that often and now hes acting like if he doesnt wake up to eat every two hours hes gunna die of starvation! i am so tired. i have been reading this book on ways to train your baby sleeping without just letting them cry... the problem is that it takes a lot of the one thing i never had to begin with ... patience .... and time!! and when your so tired your about to pass out its hard to try over and over and over and over again at getting your baby tired but not asleep and then putting him in his bed and leaning over to let him know your still there and pat him untill hes all the way asleep! its rediculous...... after the 15 time of that all i wanna do is put him in a sound proof box and go back to sleep!! i dont know what to do anymore.................. why does no one know how to tell you just how hard it is to be the mommy. this is so hard! i just need a nap

well....................

ok so this one is not at all gunna be like the previous ones. im here to praise my little angel baby!! you should all know that we went to the temple on saturday and were sealed for time and all eternity! it was the most amazing day of my life.. it was a long day too. renzo and i went through and recieved our endowments that morning and then went right to the sealing. it was such a long time to be away from baby and i didnt have a sitter he was just in the temple nursery the whole time. and they said he was being a little angle! he took his bottle he took a nap he wasnt fussy! man was i so happy to hear that... when i finally saw him coming into the sealing room all dressed up in his white tuxido! man oh man....... beatiful. i love him so much.. when they brought him in he was just all bright eyes and smiles. he sat there and was so good to put his tiny prescious hand on ours and it was so amazing ... thats when i got really emotional. my little baby will be mine forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever!!! i think you get the point!!!

this is so rough!!

baby boy is all over the place starting to crawl and it is so cute... he just army crawls his way to your feet and head butts you in the leg and paws at your toes till you pick him up. silly baby...his first tooth is starting to pop through. i think im gunna cry! hes just growing so fast. im having such a hard time with this cranky baby that doesnt want to sleep though! he still doesnt know how to fall asleep on his own and i dont have the heart to just let him lay there and scream! i dont know what to do im gunna scream myself! my poor little baby! and poor me !

all i wanted was a little peace and a pedi

oh my goodness.... what a baby!! lol my birthday was friday... and it sucked.. my husband really crashed and burned... didnt make me breakfast or lunch or dinner... didn't make me a card or a cake or even sing me happy birthday... nothing to show me im special... nothing!! anyways a girl friend ... knowing i was in the dumps of my mans lack of understanding decided to take me out to lunch and a pedicure and man was i excited... my feet need some serious attention since i walk around all day with a baby on my hip lol... anywas i thought i should get a sitter or as the hicks here in cedar like to call it some one to "tend" him!! idk why im still not likin that one... anyways my friend was really excited for the chance to see him cuz he is the most adorable baby to ever be born... anyways i brought him along and he was the biggest monster in the whole world. he has honestly never been so difficult.. ever!! i know it was probably cuz it was hot and he was tired.. but man was it hard to enjoy that pedi... all i kept thinking about was just getting up and walking out right in the middle of it.. he didnt want to be held and he didnt want to be put down and he was so tired and kept getting mad when he'd blink and his eyes would linger shut for a little while.!!. ahh babies! to say the least i was thrilled when my girlfriend was finished before me and took him to walk around the salon while i tried to lay back and not be embarrassed and just enjoy what was left of my ..... me time....

love him with all my heart and soul
just thought you should know

judgement free yes drug free optional!!

i felt i needed an outlet of sorts... a place to express myself, without feeling i need hold back on the bad the intense or the down right ugly of being a mother.... let me start by saying i am head over heals in love and i wouldnt change being a mommy to this precious little angel... what a blessing he is in my life. Now that being said.... im sure all you moms out there can relate that sometimes motherhood isnt joyous or glamorous or anything like what they said it would be... why doesnt anyone talk about some of this stuff. oh ya i know cuz if you really really knew what you were getting yourself into you might not go through with it.. and you know what they say; misery loves company!! plus all OUR moms keep the dirty little secrets under wraps so we can have children of our own to make us loose our hair just like we did to them... like i said i love being a mom lets not make the mistake that i hate this gig.. its really the best thing i could have ever done.. but this is MY way to express the crazy day to day of a real stay at home mom not the ones who act on tv... Judgement free .... drug free (optional)